Eagle's Wings

My favorite scripture passage for many years (since college) has been Isaiah 40:27-31.  I like The Message's paraphrase of verse 41:  "But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind." The passage probably reaches out and grabs me because I'm such a "do-er"; I often struggle with fatigue (my husband tells me there is a cure for that and it starts with N-O...).  I am a permanent member of the "20% of the people in an organization do 80% of the work" club.  When something needs to be done, I just do it. 

Now, let me be clear.  I am not going to tie this post to the Nike slogan.  I am NOT a runner . . . !  There were a few years in my late teens/early twenties during which I attempted to run a few miles here and there.  Key words:  "attempted," "here and there." However, I am definitely always on the go - both physically and mentally.  Mr. Lorenzo, a wonderful custodian at my previous school and a precious friend, would see me power-walking down the school hallway and smile his sweet smile and say "Ms. Dauma, slow down now!  You'll get there just as fast by going slow."  Now, this of course did not make a bit of sense to me.  Of course I'd get to my destination faster by walking faster!  And I probably did.  But I was tired.  And I still am much of the time.  So, what's the cure for chronic tiredness?  Sleep?  Walking slowly down the hallways?  Good vitamins? Saying "no" to those who ask things of me?  Probably a little bit of all of these should be a part of all of our lives, but how then does a "doer" manage his or her tendency to constantly be "doing"?  God gives us innate personalities, energy levels, interests, and passions . . . and life stages certainly require at least some degree of busy-ness.  So what's the solution?  How do we soar like eagles and not lag behind? 

I wish I knew the answer to this on a "make a list and check it off" kind of level.  However, I do know that the times that I've felt my wings spreading have been when I've felt the most inadequate to fly.  The times when the strength to grade five more essays as the clock approaches midnight seems to float down upon my shoulders.  The times when the last thing I want to do is stop at Kroger at 5:30 PM traffic, but I know we need milk (or cereal, or eggs . . . hmmm, I should probably grab some paper and make a grocery list for tomorrow...) and - amazingly! - the self-checkout line is open with no waiting and the kids actually made it through the store without screaming.  I cannot explain that kind of strength, that kind of soaring.  I have a bit of a fear of heights, so I do not have any desire to take part in anything like skydiving or parasailing.  But those who have done it say that the feeling of soaring through the air is indescribable.  And in a metaphorical sense, I understand what they mean. 

Today was the first day of school for the 2012-2013 school year.  Thankfully, it was a teacher workday, so we got to ease back into the routine by having a day to set up and organize our classrooms.  But nonetheless, this day is always hard.  Being away from my family for 9.5 hours after being with them so much during the summer, eating lunch at my desk, walking down the hall to use a utilitarian school restroom . . . none of those things are fun, exciting, or comfortable.  However, as I was unpacking boxes and listening to a little Elvis (of course), the first words of "Lead Me, Guide Me," reminded me of my position:  "I am tired and I need Thy strength and power."  Thy.  Such an archaic word that holds so much meaning.  Not me, my, mine.  THY.  His strength.  The strength that hung the planets in space and holds them there.  The strength that breathed life into man (and woman).  The strength that endured the cruelest of undeserved deaths.  A strength I cannot even begin to comprehend is dispersed to me, someone who finds it hard to relax and say "no" to anyone.  Someone who has made some stupid financial decisions that have led to too much debt.  Someone who loves the approval of others, loves to win, and loves to feel important and needed.  Yep, that's me!  And all those things plus four children = tired mom/wife/daughter/sister/teacher.  The only way it even begins to work is through Jesus and the truth of God's provision in my life.  His strength is enough.  His grace is enough.  Even when I lag behind and parents are emailing to complain that I've taken too long to grade assignments.  Even when my kids eat ramen noodles three nights in a row.  Even when I get too little sleep or "down time."  Especially then.

I could wax eloquently (or semi-eloquently) here about the majesty of eagles.  My mom can do a better job of that than I can - she loves her some eagles!  However, I really feel that I am not an eagle at all.  The simile hinges on that little word "like."  English teacher moment:  a simile is a comparison of two UNLIKE  things.  I really cannot become an eagle (thank goodness, because they are waaayyy up there...!).  I really should not try to become an eagle.  God can, however, give me strength LIKE the eagle's and for that I am - at the end of my eighteenth first-day-of-school-as-a-teacher - so grateful.